Years ago astrologers wanted to see in “relationship
charts” lots of easy flowing trines and compatibility with little stress or
“grit.” But today we’ve come to know that grit is what makes us grow and learn
and experience more, so a mixture of both
grace and grit is the ideal. I don’t care if some gritty aspects are there,
but I don’t want to see too many red flags.
But let’s look first at the old familiar question:
What sign is the best for me? There isn’t any. Not really. You have to look at
the whole chart of each person because certain challenging aspects can be
offset by graceful positive aspects. Grit and grace.
However there are planets that are square and
opposite each other—who therefore don’t get along because they see things so
differently—and there are planets that are conjunct or trine each other and so
are simpatico. So the simplest answer is to look to see if your Sun or Moon is
in a challenging or complementary flowing relationship with the other person.
Sun signs of the same
element tend to get along well—so if you’re an earth sign Taurus you’ll
innately understand a Capricorn or a Virgo. You share some of the same values
and style of doing things. If you’re a fire sign Sagittarius, you’ll innately
understand the other fire signs of Aries and Leo. If you’re an air sign Libra,
you’ll get how a Gemini or Aquarius is thinking, and if you’re a water sign
such as Cancer you’ll feel a natural compatibility with the other water signs,
Scorpio and Pisces.
Going deeper: there’s a wonderful compatibility that
can exist between having the Sun sign of one person be the same as the Moon or
Ascendant in the “Other.” I see this a lot, and there’s a natural attraction
between people who have these contacts. That’s a definite green flag. Even
having the signs being in the same element—earth, air, water, or fire helps.
There’s an understanding built in with this—
However, let’s say your Sun sign squares your lover’s
Sun sign or is opposite it—this doesn’t have to be either a red or green flag.
If it’s a square aspect that person is going to bring into your life just what
you aren’t all about and what you’re uncomfortable with…and an opposition…well,
opposites are magnetic because they compensate for each other and attract! They
are also similar in some ways as they’re on the same axis, but they see things
from a different angle or viewpoint. So the square is somewhat of a red flag
(pink?) and the opposition is almost neutral (faded pink?) You’ll learn a lot
from each other with these aspects and the combination of you two as a team
suggests that you could be successful in whatever you choose to do
together—because you’ll approach things from a similar but different angle. It
may be irritating at times, especially if one person is always attached to his
point of view.
For example,
let’s say you are a Leo man who prides himself on his generosity,
open-mindedness and charismatic personality. And you meet a woman who is a
fascinating Scorpio (Suns are square!) who appears to love listening to you,
and you find her sexy, intelligent, and emotionally intense. You want to learn
from her and you respect the fact that she is private in many ways. She is
attracted to you because of all those wonderful qualities you have and that she
lacks—she’s not really generous, but more possessive, etc. And she is amazed
that you are so innocently self-revealing and she feels as compulsively drawn
to you as you are to her.
Now if these two people are young, say younger than
their first Saturn Return, they probably don’t know themselves very well. And
the attraction they have for each other as opposites (which in this case is actually
a square between Leo and Scorpio) will likely become irritating and they will project
blame onto the other for their own missing qualities. Power conflicts might
arise and they will probably each complain that they always seem to attract the
same kind of partner! They do that because they project onto that person what
they love and hate about themselves and which they aren’t aware of. It’s
unconscious.
That’s why it was written about the Temple at
Delphi: Know Thyself. Isn’t the Leo always generous? Is a king, or child, or
aristocrat always generous? No….but he will instead see her lack of generosity
in spades. And what about those secrets of hers? He was never jealous before;
it was always women who were jealous of him. He hates jealousy in any form but now
her privacy feels like secrets and stirs up feelings of….jealousy. They each
hold each other’s shadow qualities.
The relationship isn’t doomed. Perhaps the Leo man
has Scorpio on his ascendant—the ascendant being descriptive of his journey in
life, and his way of operating in the world. Here is a little green flag…they
are perhaps meant to dance together in this life for just a while. Or perhaps
this Leo man has a moon in Scorpio….here is another green flag, as combinations with the Sun of one person
matching the Moon of the other is a green flag! So the similarity of the
Moon or Rising Sign tones down the red flag of the squared Suns. Following me? (to be continued in next post)
(c) Elizabeth Spring elizabethspring@aol.com (If you wish to reprint or copy "Relationships: Are We cCompatible? Sex, Intimacy and Red Flags" please include my name and the name of the book--- "Lifting the Veil; Becoming Your Own Best Astrologer" and that it is available on amazon.com ~thanks~