Private Papers of a Reluctant Astrologer: Fifth Letter

Dear Isabelle~


I was reading your book last night about the North and South Nodes, and when I read what you wrote in it about my Nodes, my boyfriend, Carl, said it was all “magical thinking.” Well, you know what? I don’t care, because what you wrote about the Nodes, destiny, fate, and especially my North Node in Leo really touched something deep inside me and it felt right…very right. I also haven’t told you something. Not just about the fortune-tellers prediction…


OK—this is what happened: I was re-reading about my Nodes—my life direction and soul purpose as you say—and it was so synchronistic that you used Joni Mitchell as an example of this North Node Leo pattern! You said it was “time to come in from the cold.” Did you know that’s a line from one of her songs? And—I was listening to that song at the exact moment of reading your words about North Node Leo to Carl --talk about synchronicity!


You said: “ The soul purpose here is to create loving connections with others in order to heal a sense of being the outsider or the persecuted one. By leaving behind harsh judgments of myself or others, the idea now in this life is to ‘come in from the cold’ and become one of us. Your need is to open your heart, and make your presence felt—dare to shine and step forward…be effective and compelling rather than being concerned about being right.”


Then you said that the “shadow with these Nodes is an entrenched fear that entices one to be controlling, inflexible or stubborn…but that having a sense of humor shows that one knows or can contain the pain of life, and can accept the drama of it all as well.”


OK, well here it is. I’m pregnant. And that astrologer was predicting that my relationship was going to break up when transiting Saturn reached my “Seventh House” next winter—and he was also saying that unless I change something in me, I’ll never have a relationship! And then he started saying Scorpio Sun and Leo North Node was too controlling, that we’re drama queens, and yet I feel like an exile, not a queen! I feel “out of the circle” as it is, different and alienated, and that’s my fear…that I don’t know how to love and be loved. That’s the South Node Aquarius that I coming from and can’t seem to leave behind.


Well, as I was reading this to Carl he just acted bored and like I was out of my mind, and I got really angry at him. I told him if he didn’t care for me and how I feel inside, then what were we about? I tried to point to his Nodes in your book, but he didn’t even want to look at his own patterns.


It got worse—I showed him the letter between us about my Moon in Cancer and we came to talking about children, and he said he didn’t want children. Period. And I said, guess what? I’m pregnant! Yes, it’s true. I cried, and apologized, and said it was all a big mistake, and he said—get an abortion. Nothing about how it was his “mistake” too. Nothing about feelings or possibilities. Then my rage turned black, and I said yes I would—I’d get an abortion right now! I’m aborting you right now! I screamed. And I threw him out the door.


OK, some drama, I know. But with my back against the door, I started crying and then the tears stopped, and I felt and a certain coolness came over me. I’m angry at my own stupidity for choosing such a cold man, and that it had to come to this. Maybe I do need to dare (with my Aries rising) and to be open-hearted (Leo) and to stop holding it all inside and being secretive (my planets in Scorpio.) You once told me that “the exiled heretic must take a stand and make a Presence in the world”—do something big—well I made a big mistake with him. And now I have to decide what I really will do.


So this is the Saturn Return. So tell me what you think, and send me a copy of your chart too, if you don’t mind. Somehow studying astrology and spirituality while I’m dealing with all this feels like the only good thing happening right now.
Sadly,
Kendra

North Node Leo

North Node Leo

It's time to take center stage! Have you been waiting for the support of friends or colleagues, or even for "more information" before stepping up to the plate in your life? Your Soul yearns to come forward now, to take chances, to see life as a game worth playing—simply because it's fun and a challenge. Somewhere in your past you may have lost a joyful sense of play and spontaneity and now it's time to recover your exuberant self-confidence again, and to share it.

Either earlier in this life or in a former life, you were living on the sidelines watching others interact on center stage. You felt exiled, even if you weren’t. Now its time to engage yourself actively--be creative with a paintbrush, your children, or simply how you live each day. Color outside the lines of your everyday life and rejoice at the results. “Follow your bliss” the mythologist Joseph Campbell was fond of saying, and as the Persian poet Rumi once said: “Let the beauty you love be what you do. There are a thousand ways to kneel and kiss the earth.” Following your passion and bliss is good North Node medicine for you. If you don’t know what it is, you are called to listen to yourself more—ask yourself: what makes you laugh, cry, rage?

When a person holds the energies of the rebel, the genius and the outsider, we see Aquarius strong in the chart—often with a South Node in Aquarius. There’s an unconscious soul conditioning to think differently, and therefore you may be aware of not being really heard. You may speak your Truth in a way that doesn’t understand how it’s being received—so learning to communicate well, and with empathic feeling is important for you. Aquarius can tend to be so objective, or so focused in one direction, that it loses touch with the feeling-based world it lives in.

Why is this? In re-incarnationally based evolutionary astrology. it could be said that you may have soul-memories of persecution or even torture, so there can be a tendency to dissociate at times—a reflex defense that “gets you away emotionally”. And why not, if you might have suffered as an exiled heretic before? Now, you are moving away from that lonely position of being the outsider to the savvy position of being effective in the world—and feeling connected to others. You are learning to love and to express yourself with others who might have burned you at the stake in a former life for the beliefs you held. Whew—evolutionary re-incarnational theory can get intense at times.
So… whether married or single, don't detach yourself from emotional situations, but engage yourself fully and find ways to keep all your relationships fresh and alive. But this is not a license for irresponsibility, in fact, you may be surprised by how upset people can get with you when you act carelessly around issues of trust or with changing plans--people can get quite attached to you and take your actions too personally. It is also through the interrelationship with others that you'll find the high energy and passion that feeds you.

In this life it's healing for you to leave behind an overly balanced sense of objectivity, seriousness, and perhaps aloofness as well. You are meant to open your generous heart to everyone this time around and to let your true light shine. Be real and unique, for you have the soul of a performer, the touch of the aristocrat, and the charm of a child. You've come into this life to be seen and accepted and to feel the joy of knowing love. Dare to give your talents and gifts to the world. Don't wait for others to ask you--take the initiative yourself.
As you turn on your path and retrieve the gold in the shadow of your South Node of Aquarius, you may find that you have a talent for discovering fresh ideas, new inventions, and innovative ways of being in the world. However be mindful of what groups and friends you choose to affiliate yourself with. There is a tendency for some N. Node Leos to get into groups they don't have a natural affinity with. When you act from your own passions, values, and priorities you'll naturally find the people who are right for you. Don't sacrifice who you really are for the appearance of popularity or for the sake of duty. Instead, keep your mind on your intuitive promptings and proceed step by step to making your dreams a reality...and in the process you'll find your true friends as well.

Soul Purpose: Loving connections with others healing the sense of being the outsider or the persecuted one. By leaving behind harsh judgments of self or others, the idea now is to “Come in from the cold and become one of us.” Join with the family of man, and make your presence felt. Be effective and compelling rather than “being right” and alone and different.

Shadow: A deeply entrenched unconscious fear can entice you to be controlling, inflexible or stubborn especially in the little things of life. Practice forgiveness and letting your funny bone out. You could be a good comedian! Humor acknowledges the dark side of life with a detached and ironic perspective, and a heartfelt humor that knows the pain of life yet accepts the full drama of it as well.
***
Folk/rock singer songwriter Joni Mitchell has this Nodal combination. Writer of songs such as “Woodstock” and “Both Sides Now” Joni has had great professional and personal success in her life. As a child, Joni moved around Canada quite a bit with her parents, but discovered her passion and joy at an early age: At the age of nine, Mitchell contracted polio during a Canadian epidemic, but she recovered after a stay in hospital. It was during this time that she first became interested in singing. She describes her first experience singing while in hospital during the winter in the following way: "They said I might not walk again, and that I would not be able to go home for Christmas. I wouldn't go for it. So I started to sing Christmas carols and I used to sing them real loud...The boy in the bed next to me, used to complain. And I discovered I was a ham." In later life, Joni was also able to happily reunite with her daughter whom she had given up for adoption earlier in life. Her early life feelings of social disconnection (past life?) could be described in an interview she gave to the The New York Times in which she said that her memoirs were "in the works", and that the first line would be "I was the only black man at the party"[

Elizabeth Spring (c) For more insight into the meanings of the nodes or to find out about a Nodal reading: http://www.elizabethspring.com/