North Node Chart: How to find your North Node Sign

Find your North Node Sign by using your birthday and year~then scroll down on right side of blog till you see the description/blog post on your North Node sign. 

·               Apr. 24, 1924 - Oct. 26, 1925: Leo

·               Oct. 27, 1925 - Apr.16, 1927: Cancer

·               Apr.17, 1927 - Dec. 28, 1928: Gemini

·               Dec. 29, 1928 - July 7, 1930: Taurus

·               July 8, 1930 - Dec. 28, 1931: Aries

·               Dec .29, 1931 - June 24, 1933: Pisces

·               June 25, 1933 - Mar. 8, 1935: Aquarius

·               Mar. 9, 1935 - Sept. 14, 1936: Capricorn

·               Sept.15, 1936 - Mar. 3, 1938: Sagittarius

·               Mar. 4, 1938 - Sept. 12, 1939: Scorpio

·               Sept.13, 1939 - May 24, 1941: Libra

·               May 25, 1941 - Nov. 21, 1942: Virgo

·               Nov. 22, 1942 - May 11, 1944: Leo

·               May 12, 1944 - Dec. 13, 1945: Cancer

·               Dec. 14, 1945 - Aug. 2, 1947: Gemini

·               Aug. 3, 1947 - Jan. 26, 1949: Taurus

·               Jan. 27, 1949 - July 26, 1950: Aries

·               July 27, 1950 - Mar. 28, 1952: Pisces

·               Mar. 29, 1952 - Oct. 9, 1953: Aquarius

·               Oct. 10, 1953 - Apr. 2, 1955: Capricorn

·               Apr. 3, 1955 - Oct. 4, 1956: Sagittarius

·             Oct. 5, 1956 - June 16, 1958: Scorpio

·             June 17, 1958 - Dec.15, 1959: Libra

•        Dec. 16, 1959 - June 10, 1961: Virgo

·               June 11, 1961 - Dec. 23, 1962: Leo

·               Dec. 24, 1962 - Aug. 25, 1964: Cancer

·               Aug. 26, 1964 - Feb. 19, 1966: Gemini

·               Feb. 20, 1966 - Aug. 19, 1967: Taurus

·               Aug. 20, 1967 - Apr.19, 1969: Aries

·               Apr. 20, 1969 - Nov. 2, 1970: Pisces

·               Nov. 3, 1970 - Apr. 27, 1972: Aquarius

·               Apr. 28, 1972 - Oct. 27, 1973: Capricorn

·               Oct. 28, 1973 - July 10, 1975: Sagittarius

·               July 11, 1975 - Jan. 7, 1977: Scorpio

·               Jan. 8, 1977 – July 5, 1978: Libra

·               July 6, 1978 - Jan. 12, 1980: Virgo

·               Jan.13, 1980 - Sept. 24, 1981: Leo

·               Sept. 25, 1981 - Mar.16, 1983: Cancer

·               Mar.17.1983 - Sept.11, 1984: Gemini

·               Sept.12, 1984 - Apr. 6, 1986: Taurus

·               Apr. 7, 1986 – Dec. 2, 1987: Aries

·               Dec. 3, 1987 - May 22, 1989: Pisces

·               May 23, 1989 - Nov. 8, 1990: Aquarius

·               Nov.19, 1990 - Aug. 1, 1992: Capricorn

·               Aug. 2, 1992 - Feb. 1, 1994: Sagittarius

·               Feb .2, 1994 – Jul. 31, 1995: Scorpio

·               Aug.1, 1995 - Jan. 25, 1997: Libra

·               Jan. 26, 1997 - Oct. 20, 1998: Virgo

·               Oct. 21, 1998 - Apr. 9, 2000: Leo

·               Apr.10, 2000 - Oct. 12, 2001: Cancer

·               Oct. 13, 2001 - Apr. 13, 2003: Gemini

·               Apr. 14, 2003 - Dec. 25, 2004: Taurus

·       Dec. 26, 2004 - June 21, 2006: Aries

• June 22, 2006 - Dec.18, 2007: Pisces
• Dec. 19, 2007 - Aug. 22, 2009: Aquarius

I think readers of this blog might be interested in my new blog which is going to move into becoming a book. It's called "Mystics, Madmen and Messiahs~The Unchosen Lives of Carl Jung and J. Krishnamurti."  Check out the link: http://CarlJungandJKrishnamurti.blogspot.com  These two wise sages have been spiritual mentors for me, and there's a lot about the stories of their lives that people don't know and I am excited to share. My passion for them is how their lives and teachings related: sometimes paradoxically sometimes beautifully. Hope to see you there! ~elizabeth spring~

Bitterness: The Silent Disease

   "Anger is a short madness." Horace 65 BC

 

Anger is a short madness, but bitterness is anger that has been boiled, simmered, and then found so unpalatable that it has been thrown into the deep freeze of our unconscious psyches. Recently the “Los Angeles Times” printed an article called: “Bitterness as mental illness?” It stated that:
“Bitter behavior is so common and deeply destructive that some psychiatrists are urging it be identified as a mental illness under the name post-traumatic embitterment disorder.”

How many of us have a touch of this disease? How many people do we know that have it? And towhat degree? Anger is what we feel first in the face of injustice, and repeated anger becomes deep-seated resentment at whoever and whatever is upsetting us. It turns cold and bitter. And the worse part is that it can turn us bitter even when we think we’ve hidden it so well! It can show on our faces, in our expressions, in our tone of voice. It gives us indigestion, insomnia, back pain, and unexplained headaches. We want so much for it not to de-freeze-- we want so much to forgive and forget, but proper disposal of toxic pain isn’t easy. Most of us need help with it.

Bitterness is a crusty disease that grows on unprocessed anger. It is particularly dangerous for us as we age, because many therapists, including myself, believe that it plays a part in heart disease as well. The heart is both a physical and emotional organ that reflects how we treat it. Most of us are trying to exercise away the excesses that have deposited themselves as fat—but what are we doing with all that un-dealt with pain in our hearts? With the years of frozen anger?

First of all, it needs to be acknowledged. Yes, it’s there. Maybe you call it disillusionment with your career, or maybe you say it’s how your sister cheated you out of part of your inheritance, or maybe it’s that romantic love never quite came through for you. You may have the regret of the ‘enabler’ or the one who had to sacrifice a large part of her life for another. Maybe you blame someone or blame yourself. What matters most though, is the story we tell ourselves about it.

We may think that we have done our ‘anger management’ by cooling and repressing our anger, but in most cases, it’s still alive and not well. It needs to be thawed, re-heated, and disposed of properly. Refrigeration doesn’t work well, as cooled anger turns to resentment and bitterness. It has an annoying tendency to leak out at inappropriate times-- upsetting good relationships, disturbing our dreams, and filling us with a vague discontent.


This story needs to be re-told and re-framed. If you will investigate, research, and delve deeper into the place where you hold this bitterness and pain, you can gain a wider perspective and a deeper understanding of the whole picture. You need to have someone who can deeply listen to your story, and whose opinions you trust. Allow them to help you understand it from a variety of different perspectives. Allow them to help you put it into a story that makes some sense (not easy!)

The psychologist, Carl Jung, once wrote that all adult neuroses could only be healed by a spiritual perspective. Perhaps you can find a way to infuse the story with love towards yourself and others. The last step will be to tell the ‘deep freezer of your subconscious’ the new story of how and why it all happened, and how you see it now.

As a psychotherapist and astrological counselor, I often look at what I call the family karmic inheritance. This is the legacy of inherited sins and blessings that get handed down the generations, and I believe it’s responsible for more psychic distress than we realize.

You may notice that you have our mother’s eyes, but have you noticed that you have some of her passive aggressive traits as well? Do you know what she was holding her anger about? Can you discover how far back it goes? Could you be overly sensitive to authoritarian figures like your grandfather, or experiencing a similar conflict between the demands of creativity and family that he once did? How bad did it get? Once you know the nature of the inheritance you can look at it how it’s showing up in your life. Old, long, and difficult inheritances can be particularly insidious. When you become conscious of the “sins of the father’s” you not only begin a healing process for yourself, but you stop the inheritance from infecting your children.

Generations of maternal and paternal legacies influence us in subtle and not so subtle ways. In some families (such as the presidential Kennedy’s) there has been mention of a family ‘curse’. Although that is an exaggeration for most of us, almost everyone inherits a mixture of psycho-spiritual legacies that need to be sorted through. We need to pull out all the stories we can from the family deep freezer.

You can’t be fueled by bitterness, but you can be fueled by anger. Bitterness eats you up, whereas anger can fuel you to do the emotional detective work that heals. It can help you find your voice and your courage. If you are feeling depressed, stuck, or cynical its time to do the psychic de-freezing. This is the time to act, not to “depress.” You may have to admit that your attempts to sublimate and distract yourself from your difficult moods aren’t working any more. This is a good thing, because it means the time is right for you to make a positive and perhaps radical change.

As an astrologer and counselor, I find that there is a grace and energy that shows up when we do things at the right time. If you have no family members who are alive, or who won’t tell you true stories; you can find powerful hints as to this inheritance on your astrological chart. And when you allow yourself to feel strongly about your feelings, rather than freezing them, you allow an opening for grace and serendipity. Call it what you will: God or chance or synchronicity, but whenever you decide to melt the frozen chunks of bitter memories with the healing warmth of tears and heartfelt stories, you invite in powers and graces beyond your rational mind. I believe we ‘summon the Gods’ with our open hearts, and that the Soul is ruthless in finding its way home.

Elizabeth Spring, MA, has two books out on www.amazon.com , the first called: “North Node Astrology; Rediscovering Your Life Direction and Soul Purpose” and "Saturn Returns; The Private Papers of A Reluctant Astrologer"  She can be contacted through her website: www.elizabethspring.com

Excerpt from blog: 'South Node Astrology': How Love Sabotages and Saves our Lives

Sabotage? My hope is that the word “sabotage” in the title gave you a little jolt! Yes, “love” itself doesn’t sabotage, but the distortions and poverty of love (such as when we didn’t get “good enough parenting”) and our interpretation of what love is and isn’t— are the areas where “love” sabotages us. Every romantic movie and love song reminds us of how love “saves” us, but it’s in the therapist’s office that one hears the story of how love sabotages us. So the focus here will be in looking at our unique styles of loving—loving both ourselves, others and God. These were the first commandments we were given, and they certainly seem worth considering.

 One of my hopes for this blog and new book is to explore how reframing our understanding of love and relationship can help us bring in more of its saving quality and less of its sabotaging—and ultimately to explore how it’s truly an “inside job” which is much less dependent on others than we may realize. I don’t pretend to have all the answers, and certainly don’t have perfect relationships, but I’m moved to delve into this territory. Want to come along? I welcome your thoughts on this….


So how does this fit with astrology? In exploring relationship patterns in astrology we look at the South Node, the Moon and to the planets Venus and Neptune. What happens when we have Venus and Pluto (God of the Underworld) in aspect in our charts? What happens when the Moon or Venus is squared by Mars? What happens when we keep repeating the mistakes of our South Node patterns, and keep coming up with the same unfulfilling patterns of “unlove” and bad relationships?


Love itself may be perfect—as the high expression of Neptune itself is perfect mystical love. But humans live primarily “Venus” love or “Moon” love—and it’s messy, confusing and imperfect. I believe it’s imprinted with the past life patterns of the South Node, in a similar way to how DNA is imprinted.


The strongest pattern to understand then may be the South Node in your birth chart. In Evolutionary Astrology, one is advised to “read” the South Node negatively; that is to understand it primarily as what we didn’t get right in the past. This past could be earlier in this life, or in former lives, or even what we didn’t get right yesterday.


It is the “Moon’s memory” not the Mercurial/linear memory, that is carried over from life to life. It is this memory that does not concern itself with facts, or details or stories, but holds simply the emotional impact—the drama and trauma of the Soul. We forget the stories of past lives, but something remains like a forgotten dream—and this “emotional hangover” is called the South Node of the Moon.


As you may know, the Nodes are mathematical points rather than planets, and are calculated by the intersecting orbits between the Earth, Sun, and Moon. Throughout the history of astrology these points have pointed to our re-incarnational history, for they describe where we’ve been (South Node) and where we’re going (North Node.) Like the compass that points North, or the astrolabe with the arrow shooting through the globe, these Nodes hold the “emotional memory” and trajectory of our lives.


As in dreams, and in all unconscious content, there is “gold” in these South Node patterns as well, and we carry over positive attributes, talents and inclinations as well as our default reactive patterns. It’s also been said in Vedic astrology that we give to others from the South Node what we know innately in our bones and psyche, and yet we feed and nurture ourselves from the soul wisdom of the North Node. This was the content of my first book, “North Node Astrology; Rediscovering Your Life Direction and Soul Purpose.”


A new book, of which this blog is the raw material of—concerns the nature of the emotional memory of the South Node. What do we remember emotionally? I believe it’s mostly about love and the presence or absence of Love. Relationships—and the burden we put on our relationships through our expectations and “styles of loving”.


 In this blog, I’ll be delving into the changing nature of relationships (with a little more focus on what love is after the hormones/honeymoon/anima projections have worn a little thinner) and to ponder “styles of loving” with a minimum of astrological jargon. I’d like it to contain enough astrology so that you can look at your chart, and say “Ah-hah!” but not so much astrology that you get lost in technicalities. I’ll attempt to interweave the psychological and the astrological, the personal and the interpersonal, the theories with the messy “particulars” of our lives.


It’s a big subject. We live and love among many “layers of feelings”—why do we dislike someone’s style or persona and yet “love” the person they truly are underneath all that? We divorce, dismiss, and lose people in our lives, sometimes like so many scraps of paper thrown away, yet these people continue to remain in our psyche nevertheless.

But….we can choose to live between the layers of feeling, not discarding or despairing or thinking in black/white polarities, and still honoring all the layers of loving, liking, disliking, and the mystery of love which sits in our hearts.


Here’s what the poet, Stanley Kunitz, had to say about this in his poem, “The Layers.” He wrote this in reflection, towards the end of his life. (This blogging program is printing it as prose--how interesting!--so I will leave it that way in a stream of consciousness style. Forgive me, you readers who are poets!)

"I have walked through many lives, some of them my own, and I am not who I was, though some principle of being abides, from which I struggle not to stray. When I look behind, as I am compelled to look before I can gather strength to proceed on my journey, I see the milestones dwindling toward the horizon and the slow fires trailing from the abandoned camp-sites, over which scavenger angels wheel on heavy wings. Oh, I have made myself a tribe out of my true affections, and my tribe is scattered! How shall the heart be reconciled to its feast of losses? In a rising wind the manic dust of my friends, those who fell along the way, bitterly stings my face. Yet I turn, I turn, exulting somewhat, with my will intact to go wherever I need to go, and every stone on the road precious to me.

In my darkest night, when the moon was covered and I roamed through wreckage, a nimbus-clouded voice directed me: "Live in the layers, not on the litter." Though I lack the art to decipher it, no doubt the next chapter in my book of transformations is already written. I am not done with my changes."

                                                    “Alchemical Astrology”

Workshop at the Boston Jung Institute, Saturday October 20, 2012. For more info, questions, and registration call: 617-796-0108 or email: cgjungbos1@aol.com  10:00 am-4:00 pm  $60~5 CEUs

The archetypal planetary energies of Uranus and Pluto are squaring off to each other seven times between 2012 and 2018. What do these mythical energies represent? This planetary square is both generationally and personally impactful. In this workshop we’ll look at the higher and lower ‘octaves’ or expressions of each of these archetypes as they conjoined in the 1960’s and squared off in the 1930’s, as well as how they might be most skillfully played out in your astrological chart. We’ll look at how Pluto, Lord of the Underworld, and Uranus, harbinger of change, is placed in your birth chart and where it is now by transit. Registration must include birth date, time, and place. All registrants will receive their charts, and basic knowledge of astrology will be helpful.  Limited class size.

 From Rick Tarnas, author of Cosmos and Psyche: "The Uranus-Pluto square could well represent something like a combination of the 1930s and the 1960s in a twenty-first-century context: a sustained period of enormous historical change requiring humanity to radically expand the scope of its vision and draw upon new resources and capacities in ways that could ultimately be deeply liberating."

Excerpt from book: 'North "Node Astrology; Rediscovering Your Life Direction and Soul Purpose"

“One’s life direction seems to evolve through the mysterious equation of “fate plus character equals destiny.” I’m intrigued by how that middle factor of character grows and is changed through our choices. How much free will do we really have? How random is fate? Metaphysical questions abound, yet I believe that it is in the making of character through our choices that makes all the difference, and the depth of the insight that accompanies it.

My hope is that this book gives you, dear reader, a rather special and curious tool to dig deeper into the whys and wherefores of character and destiny. Our life direction is like the arrow which we shoot through the skies, and aimed or not aimed it lands somewhere. We choose our target based on what we know. And as for soul purpose, I share a common yet sacred bias here, in saying that it is ultimately bound up with our growing ability to love and be loved.”

Pastel: Elizabeth Spring

MagicSecret

MagicSecret  (safe link for wise words....) 

     We live the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and how it all is....so choose both your words and your stories carefully! Yes, that is part of the 'Magic Secret'....that is using the North Node skillfully.

Transiting Venus In Gemini: The Challenge: to create a new mind, based in the Heart.

The North Node~Your Soul Messenger

"The North Node is the single most important
point in the chart...it describes what your Soul wants to learn and
experience in this life. It is a Soul Messenger."

Have you ever wondered what life-lessons and experiences
your Soul wants to have in this life? Do you know what you truly yearn for?

Unique insights into these questions are found by using the ancient
astrological technique of examining the North and South Nodes of your astrological chart. Soul purpose and life direction questions are profoundly significant, and the Nodes in your chart address those questions from the perspective of your Soul---instead of your rational mind and ego.

The re-incarnational theory behind this is simply that your
Soul chose to be born at a certain time and place so that it would carry over
the gifts and challenges from previous lives, and that your chart reflects the
original Soul intention on coming into this world.

The great psychologist, Carl Jung, believed that the time of birth was not a coincidence

but was a mysterious synchronicity that reveals a great deal. He used astrology in his
practice with his clients, and found that it simply worked. So what may seem
unimportant to you--your birthday, time, and place is actually a profound tool;
an oracle. And what may look like a mystery to you, is not a mystery to the
astrologer who can read the meaning contained in the chart.

Lets see how this works. There are three pivotal key-points
in solving the mystery: the Sun, the North Node, and the South Node. . When an
astrologer looks at your chart, these pointsthese clues--are described in some
detail by their sign, house and aspect positions. But we don't need to get
complicated, lets look at it briefly:

Your Sun sign, reads like a personality description
presenting all the positive and negative ways you can "play out" your
Sun sign. For example, as a Gemini Sun, you can play out the flirty, fickle,
uncommitted aspects of the sign or you can use your great breath of knowledge
to live a very full life in which you make wise and helpful decisions. You are
the communicator of the zodiac. From the Souls perspective you chose to be born
a Gemini in order to play out the highest octave of the sign. Thats the first
clue to the mystery: look to the highest possible use and talents in your Sun
sign. Almost any astrology book can help you with this.

The second clue is the North Node. Many astrologers today
believe it is the single most important point in the chart. It is unique to
each person and describes what your Soul wants to learn and experience in this
life. It is a Soul Messenger, describing the evolutionary needs of your Soul.
When we act out the qualities of this Node we heal and nurture ourselves.
It tells us in what area of life we need to bring emphasis, and some of the
ways to do it. The North Node has a sign, a house position, and aspects, and is
an excellent suggestion---similar to the idea of a personal guiding North Star.

By contrast, the South Node describes the qualities brought
over from our previous life, and describes how we lived when we were young. Our
deeply habitual ways of being and thinking are shown here, and as we mature we
tend to act out the qualities of our South Node less. It shows both the
unhelpful and negative qualities that our Soul wishes to move away from, as
well as containing what Carl Jung talked about as the "gold in the
shadow". This gold is the unconscious unrecognized talents and
abilities that we bring over from a former life or that are simply latent or
repressed qualities. It is wise to uncover and use the gold in the South Node,
while leaving the negative old patterns behind, and to move in the direction of
the North Node.

Most astrologers would agree that the South Node reflects
karmic qualities of our previous life, describing the unfinished business
and things that we didn't 'get quite right.' Although there are gifts and
talents shown there, it is the North Node that points to the qualities our Soul
wants to use and acquire in this life. So when you have a chart reading, take a
long look at what your North Node tells you, even if it feels a little
unfamiliar and challenging. It offers a potent suggestion.

So how does this all work together in a chart? Lets look at
my chart as an example. My Sun is in Libra, North Node in Taurus in the 2nd
house, and South Node in Scorpio in the 8th house. "Houses" are the
areas of life where things get acted out, and the Nodes are each in different
houses. In many ways I acted out my South Node till my Saturn Return at age 28.
I have tended to learn things the hard way, to be ungrounded and to go to
excesses when I was young. It has taken me a long time to live into my true
profession as an astrologer. I married late, and after 20 years of marriage was
divorced for five years, and then I remarried my first husband. We've been
married now since 2001, and continue to do the wonderful/horrible work that
soul mates do with each other---we help each other grow. His independence and
my desire 'to merge' are not comfortable together, yet I can see how he
naturally pushes me to live out the independence and grounded values of my
Taurus North Node. I encourage and stimulate the curiosity and expansiveness of
his North Node in Gemini. There's grace and grit here; a true marriage.

My South Node in Scorpio suggests that my Soul purpose is,
in part, to move away from hurtful melodramas and to ground myself in my own
talents and resources. It speaks of the desire for serenity and to move away
from the dramatic reactivity and the excesses of my earlier years and former
life. Ive needed to take on the qualities of loyalty and persistence of the
Taurus North Node and to find the sacred in the commonplace, which is a
beautiful quality of that sign.

The "gold" in my Scorpio shadow-South Node is my intuitive ability and emotional intensity.
One could speculate that with my South Node in Scorpio (conjuncting Jupiter, the planet of expansion and privilege) I may have been the 'power behind the throne' to someone of importance, and was used to enjoying the largesse of another person and a more dramatic life. That is not the case in this lifeI need to use my own resources and power based on that
grounded Taurus in the 2nd house of personal values and resources. The Universe gives me strong hints whenever I move into territory that is not
my own to claim anymore.

My Sun sign in Libra wants serenity, harmony and beauty. Yet
it thinks in terms of opposing ideas, and about the paradoxical nature of life.
I can get easily stressed, yet look poised. The North Node points to the
necessity of creating calmness and living off my own values and resources. It's
also significant that I have no earth signs in my chartexcept the North Node in
Taurus, and yet I was unconsciously drawn to compensate for that (the pull of
the North Node) as I make pottery as well as do astrology. For many years I
lived in a stone house, and married an earth sign, Virgo. Jungian psychologists
would call this the unconscious compensation of my inferior function; the
sensate.

An astrologer sees a chart like my mine and says this is an
air and fire sign personality, whereas a Jungian therapist would say I was an
intuitive-thinking type. This is labeling, and just the beginning of a deeper
discussion, but its still useful.

The movement towards the North Node is a continuous
process, not just one decision you make. For me, I needed to get lost, and
found, many times--- I divorced and remarried the same man. I write and do
astrological counseling, which is my true vocation, but I have followed several
gods home. I continually need to recommit to ever deeper levels of grounding
and persistence in my work and life. Serenity and home life is very important.
I know I survived a difficult family karmic inheritance, yet I strive to act
out the highest octave of the Libra Sun which pulls me towards tactfulness and
deep thinking. And that South Node in Scorpio still tries to seduce me in every
way you can imagine.

So, I come back to the chart and to the astrological work
again and again as a spiritual practice. It helps me remember my commitment to
the work of being a healer; an intuitive astrologer who is grounded and
practical. Astrology reflects the internal dialog between the different
parts of oneself, but at least now I know who to listen to and why. I am
grateful to have this divinatory tool that helps make conscious what is
unconscious in the psyche, and I delight in sharing the gifts of this Soul
Messenger to whoever asks.

ElizabethSpring, MA, is a counseling astrologer and
therapist who has studied astrology and the psychology of Carl Jung since 1969.
She has studied and taught in England, Switzerland, and California, and has
been a professional astrologer since 1992. She specializes in relationship,
career, and soul direction and life purpose issues. Consultations are done by
phone or at her office in Wickford, RI. Other articles can be read on http://www.elizabethspring.com/

Excerpt from "Saturn Returns" : Chapter Thirteen

“I live my life in growing orbits, which move out over the things of the world, perhaps I can never achieve the last, but that will be my attempt. I am circling around God, around the ancient tower, and I have been circling for a thousand years, and I still don’t know if I am a falcon, or a storm, or a great song.”

“Do you think that’s the German writer, Rilke?" I asked. "It sounds more like ...John O’Donahue to me, do you know him, Peter—the Irish writer?”

“I don't no....I guess I’m a bit ‘parched’ spiritually, eh?” Peter pursed his lips. “We’re drinking up the goodness here Isabelle, but don’t get too enchanted here—this place, this Lindisfarne-- is the place that almost took Sophie’s life.

"I know. I’m trying to understand why she came here, but we won’t get that, Peter, if we can’t get beyond our ideas of right and wrong, of what is true, and what is not."

Peter winced. “I can feel myself holding back—I have too many old ideas about Christianity. I’m trying to see what is good here now, not what they did wrong in the past….yet the past is everywhere, seeping out of the walls and rocks. And some of it is as quaint and sweet as this lichen and moss on this stone wall—and some of it—well, it will show itself, I think.”

And it did.

New Book released on Amazon.com~Saturn Returns; The Private Papers of a Reluctant Astrologer

New Book

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The Saturn Return, Part Two

     How do we survive, thrive, and reinvent ourself during the Saturn Return? Saturn is the instinct to commit. Ask yourself this: “If I do nothing else in my entire life, what would be most important for me to make an effort at doing or being?” What would that look like? Would it be creating a better family than the one you were raised in? Inspiring others in a way you wish you had been inspired? Financially, emotionally, or spiritually finding peace or success?



Imagine that you could make a phone call to the “oldest wisest part of yourself” and ask this question. What would you want to build? What do you need to do to get there? Are you doing it yet? The good news is that despite Saturn’s connection with plain hard work and self-questioning, it’s also a time when opportunities present themselves to be thoughtfully examined Procrastination now seems like a bad idea, but quick change isn’t in the air either. Things must be taken slowly and old ways and habits may be having their “death and rebirth” and we need to be patient with ourselves as we move through the process of rebirthing and reinventing ourselves.


Maybe the old lover has finally committed “the last straw” and you know you must end the relationship. You make the difficult break, and then accept an invitation to go out on a date. New possibilities are in the making but the grieving process may take longer than you wish, and your heart slows you down. Or you’ve landed the new job, but the learning curve on it sends you home in tears for the first two weeks. But you hang in there. Or you’re finally pregnant, but you’re so sick you can’t enjoy it. Patience and endurance…hallmarks of Saturn.

 That’s the feeling of the Saturn Returns, but look what’s coming! If you follow through with your new vision, you’ve taken the first steps towards a true new beginning. Saturn likes to create forms and structures and new beginnings, but not without strong foundations. Old unfinished business—your psychological baggage--will stand in the way before your new birth takes place. Real change and self-reinvention calls for you to trust the process as it unfolds.


The Saturn Returns are marked by these kinds of personal milestones. We move, marry, divorce, go back to school, have a baby, leave a job or pick up on an old dream we’ve forgotten about. We do something different. The navigational tools are twofold: we must take a chance now, and we must give it all we can. When we are willing to do that, we are be rewarded.


Saturn asks us “Whose movie am I in?”” and then challenges us to be the director and author. Wouldn’t it be so much easier if we could just read some “manual to life” and have the ghost of “Christmas Future” come to us to show the way? Instead, we are called to become our own best “author-ity,” to truly become the author of our life.


We’re being asked now to re-write our personal life script with our own spiritual muscle. Not always so easy, especially when our life drama is full of people who no longer reflect who we really are and what we are becoming. “Letting go” is another key concept for this time


The human unconscious has ways of conjuring up people, events, and situations that challenge us to the bone. Psychologists sometimes call it projection, and we feel it as the remarkable synchronicity between what’s happening in our inner lives with what’s happening to us in the outer landscape—I don’t think it’s just an uncanny coincidence. At times it’s as if we’ve conjured up whoever or whatever we most wanted to avoid—or attract—in our lives. It’s as if the unconscious “hires” other people to play out parts of our life stories—this one is the boss, this one the victim, this one the unfaithful lover.


At the Saturn Returns you’ve probably “had it” with some of these people and situations and it’s time to write them out of the script of your life drama. At each Saturn Return we are challenged to take back our projections and to look at the drama of our life as our responsibility. It’s too late to blame anyone anymore.


The Second Saturn Return, in the late fifties, is also a time that calls for concrete actions in the real world, but it can be more subtle and occasionally more insidious. If we don’t do what needs to be done now, we might not be given a second chance. If we put off our yearly physical exam or don’t stop the spread of some nasty growth, it may be too late later. If we take a stiff upper lip attitude and deny the fact that “the job is killing me” it may indeed kill you. We need to find ways to “fall upwards” rather than “falling downwards.” We don’t measure our life by the same standards as we did the first half of life: Carl Jung said that when he warned us not to measure the afternoon of our life by the same expectations and attitudes as we did in the “morning of our life.”



As the body ages, depression and physical difficulties inevitably arise, yet as the body becomes less an object of vanity it’s a chance for the Spirit to rise. This is also the time when we may feel an uprising of irritability as a few old habits or attitudes have the chance to rear their nasty heads again. This is because now is the time to cut them off—to be done once and for all with them. You may ask yourself: why am I dealing with these same issues again? The answer is: because you’ve almost resolved them. And the last straw can be the hardest. The hallmark of the second Saturn Return is that as you deal with the old pockets of unfinished business, you gain a new life as well as the sense that you are truly coming into yourself with more integrity than ever before. But it’s a process that involves choices—and when you make good choices, you can be “born again” spiritually—not necessarily in religious sense—but in the wider meaning of that metaphor.


And how do you do that? Priorities need to be clearer, and metaphorical closets and basements cleaned. There is a need to look at what we feel disillusioned about and let the illusions go, lest these old ghosts feed on us and make us bitter. It’s time to slow down and allow more sweetness and companionship into our lives, and to let the wild dogs of ambitious willfulness fight elsewhere. © Elizabeth Spring  Please ask permission before reprinting to: elizabethspring@aol.com  Homepage: www.elizabethspring.com For more information about Saturn Returns: http://thesaturnreturns.blogspot.com/  



 

The Saturn Returns, Part One

“When an inner situation is not made conscious, it happens outside as fate.” C.G. Jung


The Saturn Returns at ages twenty-nine and fifty-nine are times of great change and opportunity. And so, they can also be times of crisis. What do you think of when you hear the words: “Know Thyself” and “Nothing in Excess”? These were the words inscribed above the sacred oracular temple at Delphi, Greece. One might think that by understanding and trying to live by those wise words one might avoid the great troubles in life. Perhaps they help. Our understanding of these words changes as we age, but life often plays some nasty tricks on us in the meantime. Perhaps this is why folks who understand “just a little” astrology view the coming of the Saturn Returns, at 29 years old and 59 years old with deep sighs. But then, a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing.



Saturn is a “symbolic planet” that asks us to reinvent ourselves and our ways of living. Not so bad! However in ancient times, when people have fewer choices, Saturn was seen as the “old malefic” and its passage was viewed with some suspicion. “Saturnian” times can feel serious, with occasional bouts of melancholy or delay, but Saturn’s purpose is to re-structure our lives—not to make us miserable. If we don’t resist its call to change, restructure and reinvent ourselves, we will reap its rewards. Saturn transits have a way of slowing us down long enough so that we take a cold hard look at the realities we’ve built up in our lives and find new ways to become the true author—the authority—in our life. We are finally having another chance to become who we really are.


Saturn, in mythology, relates to the harvest, rewarding those who have “worked” for the effort it takes. It brings a good harvest if we’re willing to wait, work and endure. Saturn, acting as the “stern taskmaster” likes nothing better than asking us to take out the garbage (psychological as well as physical) and to dig into the soil (of our psyche) before we plant the new seeds (of new intentions/new life). Its passage in our life—especially at these times of the Saturn Returns, is when we have a chance for real change and life-renewing rewards. How fascinating it is that astrologers today are beginning to see that it is Saturn, not Jupiter, that is truly the planet of luck and opportunity!



There are two Saturn Returns that happen to everybody: the first is between the ages of twenty-eight and thirty, and the second, between the ages of fifty-eight and sixty. Basically the Saturn Return permeates the whole time period. So if you’re around 29 years old, or 59 years old, you’re in it! And as Saturn makes its rounds in our charts (and lives) roughly every seven years, it will be particularly strong if it aspects a major planet in your chart as it returns to its natal position. (Here’s where you do need to see your chart.) So, all Saturn transits give us times of renewal, but these two times are often the strongest.


Astrologically speaking, the first Saturn return is when we truly come into our Self, as before age 29 we’ve been more reacting to what we were born into, than acting out of our true Self. And the second Saturn return is when we get a chance again to reinvent our lives as we move into our wisest Self. Ideally at 29 we would stop doing the same things as we were doing during our twenties, and do something different. Reinvent yourself! And the same is true of the Second Saturn Return at 59--the ways we’ve been living up till now, don’t feel as good—it’s time to take a different route to re-invent yourself. Wouldn’t it be ideal if people could “retire” from their work at this point? But even without retiring, we can start being “pregnant” with our new Self at this time. The Self that will blossom in our sixties.

 So even though our culture sees the age of twenty-one as the time of becoming an adult—it is not so for the astrologically minded--for us it’s twenty-nine. And you may get your Social Security at sixty-five, but it’s at fifty-nine, at the second Saturn Return, that your true personal and social security comes up for review. Saturn Returns can be times of rough passage, or harvest, and they’re usually a bit of both. © Elizabeth Spring This is Part One of three…the rest of the article is on: http://thesaturnreturns.blogspot.com/  Please ask permission to reprint: elizabethspring@aol.com  Or for personal readings: http://www.elizabethspring.com/  

Summer solstice,June 21, 2011, and July 1, 2011 Eclipse

In a span of less than a month we’re experiencing 3 eclipses as well as the turning of the season on the Summer Solstice of June 21st.


One could say that these eclipses and solstice times are about change, transition, faith, and the magic of grace. Transition, as we know, is the process of letting go of the way things used to be and the gradual taking hold again of the new way that is coming into being. In between the letting go and the taking hold again, we are like trapeze artists poised in the air by faith and grace, having left behind the hands or ways that held us, and trusting that we will catch or be caught again, as things move along in graceful rhythm. The transition liminal point is scary. This is the time we are called to trust that we will “walk our talk” and that we will “show up” in our lives, the very best we can.



In times of eclipses or changes, my sense is that we may be thrust temporarily into one of these transitional, almost unconscious places. One might say that the eclipses were feared because they appeared to cause a darkening of either the sun or the moon. Although it is only apparent as seen from the earth, these celestial bodies don’t disappear. Symbolically, the Sun reflects our ego identities and the archetype of the Father, and the Moon represents our emotional nurturing instincts and the archetype of the Mother. So when either of these forces or symbols appear to eclipsed in our psyche, we may feel threatened as we fly through the air like a trapeze artist without the familiar supports of the solar and lunar, the father and mother…not the literal father or mother, but the inner counterparts to these.

 So an eclipse is a New or Full Moon that occurs near the Moons Nodes. They have always signaled times of endings and beginnings, births, deaths, marriages, divorces, career and earth changes. They often feel fated as if we have no control, like being swept along with a current. They expose secrets and awaken us to something that was building on the sidelines of our psyche. On June 15 there was a full moon lunar eclipse in the signs of Gemini and Sagittarius at 24 degrees, symbolically calling us to filter the information overload we each receive, and to find ways to connect the dots of information and insight into personal meaningful patterns that we can digest. It calls us to walk our talk….to be as authentic and yet as transparent as possible. On June 1st and July 1st there are 2 new moon solar eclipses where the Moon casts a shadow on the Earth. On June 1 it is at 11 degrees Gemini, and on July 1st it’s at 9 degrees Cancer. If these are significant places in your astrological chart you may feel it more intensely.

 The summer solstice coming at this time on June 21st is the apex of the masculine solar energy that celebrates the longest day of the year when the sun is at its strongest. It is also, ironically perhaps, the first day of Cancer, the sign most associated with home, family and nurturing. Cancer is ruled by the Moon, so the feminine lunar energy is now dancing with the masculine solar energy and symbolically leaping over the fire together. This is the time when our pagan ancestors lit midsummer fires for purification and protection and prayed for prosperity and creativity. As the masculine and feminine join hands it’s a fertile time to ask yourself: what do I want to create over the next few months? At this midsummer time nature spirits are visible and magic is most potent.

 So taken all together, the symbolic solar and lunar energies have been surging forward and backwards, as we fly through the air, keeping our faith that we will make it through this time of transition. Magic, intention, and faith is surely at play now, as the Universe waits with benevolent hands to catch us. (curious to know more about your chart?  www.elizabethspring.com)

A Peak at the book! "North Node Astrology" Chapter on Family Karmic Inheritance

Prologue for Book: "Predictions: The Private Papers of a Reluctant Astrologer"



"Isabelle CoCroft"




“Falling in love with yourself is the beginning of a life-long romance.” Oscar Wilde






When I first met Peter I believed in predictions. Now I know “it’s complicated.” That’s the phrase people use to describe their love relationships when some things are true and some things aren’t as they’re meant to be. “It’s complicated” we say—like when two people love each other but question whether they are meant to be together—when they look at their partner and say: “I can’t live with you, and I can’t live without you.” In any relationship at all, there’s often the questions of: “Is this meant to be? Are we fated to be together? If so, why? Am I learning something here or simply repeating an old pattern?”


What does it mean to “fall in love with yourself” as Oscar Wilde was saying in the quote above? Perhaps he meant it just as it reads, but I like to think of it more as falling in love with your Self, as opposed to yourself: your ego. The love of self comes before the love of Self, and perhaps both must come before—or at least along with—the love of another person, who also has a very human self and a very wise Self.


These were the questions that were brewing in my head the day I met Peter. I was twenty-nine years old then and I was pondering my single life. In what way might I be fated to be a solitary Soul? Maybe I would never meet someone to love; maybe I was too proud or impossible. In retrospect, I believe my desire to meet Peter is what helped bring us together—and his desire to meet me. The world desire means “coming from the stars.” Maybe it was meant to be.


I still believe in predictions, and I still believe in love. But at fifty nine years old now, I see that the nature of both love and “prediction” and astrology is quite different than what I first believed. Maybe that is the subject of this book: how they are true and not true—they both change as we change.


I know now that astrological predictions are lived out in very unique and particular ways. It can help us get a sense of what’s happening with us, similar to a weather forecast—the storm fronts and the clearings—but we survive the hard times, the storms and droughts, (like the hard transits of Saturn and Pluto) by enduring and waiting and holding our intention…or better said, by honoring the wisest words I’ve heard from the famous Swiss psychologist, Carl Jung: “Hold the tension of the opposites within you till the “Third Way” emerges.”


He’s calling us to wait and endure until the tides of our unconscious and the conscious merge together. He’s asking us to then observe the presence of something we didn’t notice before. Some people see this third way emerging through contemplation while others will spot a moment of “ah-hah”—of synchronicity when the right action or attitude becomes clear—when a synchronistic event arises as if from “a wink of God’s eye.”


When the time is right, when we’ve held the tension of the opposites, it’s as if the burning questions inside us are forced to find a way out—and so we act. We love and don’t love, we make daring moves—when the time is right. When is the timing right? Can it be predicted? Perhaps.


When astrologers look at the predictions for these times we live in—like all those “2012-15 predictions,” they are alarmed by how full of challenge and change they are. The predictions sound complicated and full of optimistic pessimism, or pessimistic optimism. You choose. True or not true, fate is questionable, change is hard, and ideas about destiny and free will change—and always we have to keep making decisions.


Predictions are usually a metaphor; but sometimes they are not. Sometimes a “cigar is just a cigar” as Jung’s mentor, Sigmund Freud supposedly said. Yet sometimes it is not a metaphor—sometimes you clearly see that the cigar smoker is a greedy smelly man with a huge ego who wants your sex and your money.


Even when I was very young I pondered questions of fate, destiny, and choice, and when I heard my first astrologer speak, I decided to deal in the world of the big questions—and in the world of predictions. I decided to become an astrologer when I heard my first “wise woman” speak in a chapel in Boston when I was nineteen years old. She understood something about life that I didn’t; she was an astrologer.


It was then that I decided to join the ranks then of those who were “attempting to read the mind of God.” I believed in astrology then, and that meant I believed that there was a meaning and an order in the Universe that was detectable—as well as standing in awe of the great Mystery.


Again, I found words from Oscar Wilde that echoed this: “The final mystery is oneself. When one has weighed the Sun in the balance, and measured the steps of the Moon, and mapped out the seven heavens star by star, there still remains oneself. Who can calculate the orbit of his own soul?”


Wow! Powerfully loaded with astrological words, it hints at a humbleness in Wilde himself, as well as the arrogance he was known for—again, the dual nature of the persona and mask of the astrologer: humble and arrogant to dare.


This reluctant astrologer knows “it’s complicated.” And because I knew I needed to learn about my life direction and the soul’s purpose, I wrote a book: “North Node Astrology.” Now I’m sharing about how feelings and expectations change—and don’t change. And so I began writing this book; a little memoir, a little fiction, and hopefully a lot of useful astrological truth for you, the reader.


And so, “Private Papers” begins with the intertwining story of Peter, Sophie, Kendra and myself: Isabelle. There are emails here of being mentored in astrology. There are speculations about predictions, the nature of astrology, and destiny. How much free will do we have, and can astrology help? You will decide.


In this story, Kendra and Sophie are about 29 years old and Isabelle is 59. She’s been an astrologer most of her life, and when she first meets Peter, she’s young, and believes in astrology and the inevitability of predictions. Perhaps she underestimates the power of free will and the Tsunami-like impact of the unconscious. Perhaps she has yet to see how our multiple selves and inner voices form a “committee” in the psyche, and like the planets, each have their own agendas and desires that don’t always agree. We each are such a complex and intricate mandala.


Was Isabelle destined to meet Peter at a certain time and place and marry him? Who knows? Would she accept their relationship as it was, without question? No. That’s not what an astrologer would do. Astrologers look up charts and ponder endlessly. They want to know: Were these two people meant to be together or not? Was the hand of fate involved? Why?


And, what about the “Predictions” for us all, now? What about that ending of the Mayan calendar in 2012? Or the astrological “Grand Cross” we are all living through during these years—all those gloom and doom predictions calculated because of the geometric relationships between the planets of Uranus, Pluto and Saturn? True?


What about the perfect metaphor of Uranus entering Aries in March of 2011 as the earthquake-Tsunami happened in Japan? Uranus, the planet of revolution and unpredictability literally quaked the Earth. The accuracy of the symbolism is uncanny. But what didn’t make the evening news broadcast—or only slightly—was the compassionate and integrated way the Japanese pulled together to help their people. That’s the nature of the spiritual planet, Neptune when it crossed over into Neptune at about the same time. That good news of renewed spiritualty and the coming together of help from all over the world, is not what the evening news focusus on. It’s the bad news, rather than the quiet integrity of Neptune in its home sign of Pisces.


And what will the metaphors be as Neptune continues to move deeper into Pisces from 2011 through 2025? What about Uranus—in tense “square” relationship to the Lord of the Underworld, Pluto, during the upcoming years? Uranus and Pluto were aspecting each other in the 1960’s as a different kind of “revolution” began—what will it be now?


As a reader, you don’t need to understand or even believe astrology to read this—but you will learn the language indirectly. And if you are curious for yourself, and for our times, then I hope you are willing to entertain a certain evolutionary hopefulness. I say that because astrology presupposes a meaningfulness and a lack of randomness that suggests a mathematical astrological patterning that can be measured and felt—that manifests itself as a peculiar blend of fate and destiny. At its best, astrology is the positive contemplation of change.


Does astrology help us prepare for the future? Maybe. But perhaps what it does best is to give us a hopeful system of patterns, where cause and effect relates and makes sense, even as the concept of karma can make sense. Some of it is personal karma—personal relationships between what we do and what we get—this patterning of “cause and effect”—and some of our karma is simply the human condition. Some of it is the family and national karma that we inherit, and that we feel powerless to control. Some is grace and some is tragedy.


We can, however, regain a personal sense of power and meaningfulness when we look back in hindsight to see how the “dots in the picture of our life and times” are strung together in surprising and synchronistic ways. There are events that don’t always follow the laws of rationality. How much is serendipity, synchronicity or “kismet”? Good or bad, if meaningful patterns exist, it makes sense that a God or higher power has a chance to exist, and that feels good.


The synchronicity of meaning-making, in all forms of spirituality and astrology, is most clearly seen in retrospect rather than in prediction. We ponder the myths and the symbols. We look at where and when we were conscious and where we were…unconscious, or just plain oblivious to what we might have known.


We are products of our time—like the grapes in a vineyard that take on the quality of the time and place in which they were grown, we too take on the qualities of the place and time we were grown in. Are you a 1959 type of “grape” that came from a rich soil in Southern France? Or were you cultivated in the stony grounds of a city during a time of war? Your astrological chart is based on this: the day, time, and place you were born, and then the constant movement of time around this.


Most of us want to know more—we want to grow into a larger wiser consciousness. We want to imagine our futures, make good decisions, and create priorities and intentions. We look at how planetary “predictions” may affect our lives. And we go to deeper to find the wells of spirituality and love that anchor us.

This journey of living out our personal story—the hero’s journey—is the subject of this book, as is the changing nature of life and love as we ripen and grow through the years.


                                                 ****


And so Isabelle met and married Peter before this particular story begins. She was an astrologer of a certain vintage, and a woman of a certain nature…but then, she took another turn…



*** "Predictions: Private Papers of a Reluctant Astrologer" will be published this summer.

An Unexpected Surprise...

Dear Elizabeth~
          I finally bought your book on my Kindle "North Node Astrology: Rediscovering Your Life direction and Soul Purpose." I was inspired to buy it after reading your heartfelt piece, 'Simple Grace', on your blog about your mother's death.
 I am nearly finished, after not being able to put it down for several days! Thank you for this refreshing and intellignet piece of work. Your writing is clear, beautiful and highly engaging. Thank you."
 ~ Laurie Farrington

Chiron: Key to Relationships and Story of the Wounded Healer

 Chiron: the Key


Peter was supposed to arrive by evening, though I didn’t know just when. Sophie had just left me alone in her apartment as she went out to get us some food for supper--maybe something for Peter too if he showed up as planned. I wondered if it would be awkward, and if we would all be making small talk instead of being with everything that had just happened. I hoped not. I had spent the day talking with the insurance adjustors about the fire, and started making arrangements for mother’s funeral. Sophie had been a constant help and ally.

I had a few moments for myself, so I took the time to look at the charts again--to see the aspects for the fire, Mom’s passing, and even now. I wasn’t surprised to see a harsh aspect between Mars, Uranus, and Pluto had just passed. And Jupiter was there, helping to release the past with mother, and my tendency to hold on to all the ways I cling to my old ways of thinking. Jupiter held promise for new possibilities. What interested me most though, was Chiron.

Chiron is a strange little astrological symbol that looks like just like a key—but in reality, it is a “planetoid” between the two major opposing planets of Saturn and Uranus. Not all astrologers use Chiron, because it’s not a major planet, but it has a story to tell us. It’s in-between place alludes to the place in our Soul that is infused with a sense of aloneness, introversion, and independence. It can reflect the wound of feeling isolated even when with others.

The mythological story is that Chiron was a centaur, half man and half horse, who was the son of Saturn. He had been shot with a poisoned arrow by his friend Hercules, and was never able to heal himself. Yet in his attempts to heal his wound, he ended up saving the life of Prometheus (sometimes thought to be like Uranus) and in the process of his learning how to heal himself, he became a teacher/healer to the other centaurs. Chiron reminds us that there is nothing to fix, to cure, or get rid of---sometimes healing is all about acceptance, another word for love. The key to finding “the wounded healer” may be to simply remember and use the wisdom that we already have inside us. To accept what is, and to use it.

And so I poured over my chart, Sophie’s, Peter’s chart and even Thomas’s Chiron. The symbolism seemed to fit with what I knew about each of them, and of course, the most telling of it was in my chart. Chiron was in the 7th house of relationships, in Scorpio, the sign of death and rebirth—of forgiveness and deep healing—or bitter resentfulness. I knew I needed to turn the key to life, not death, to forgiveness and love. But knowing something is not the same as doing it. Yet it seemed as if something larger than us had orchestrated this moment in time, and I simply didn’t know what to “do” with all the feelings that were coming up for me.

And so, while Sophie was out, I opened the only book I had retrieved from the fire—the one that was in the bottom of the box of “Kendra’s” email letters. I read: “Chiron implies that the inner wound contains a gift and that the healing journey is the process of discovering that gift. By embracing Chiron, we move from fear and holding, to love and sharing. When the gift of the inner wound is embraced and accepted in ourselves and each other, we can use this key to open the door. Sometimes the key moves in the direction of Saturn: of doing what we need to do to gain more security and honoring limitation, and sometimes it moves in the direction of Uranus, to freedom and inter-dependence rather than dependence.”

I needed to decide. How was I going to play out my Chiron in the 7th house of relationships? What could freedom look like for me? What could security look like? Would I want to truly open my heart again to Peter, or would I be happier exploring the mystery of Thomas? And….a different life?

Just then Peter walked in the door. Sophie had left the door unlocked, so it was just us—our moment. He looked nervous.

“I’m sorry...so sorry Isabelle.”

“For what?” I answered, as if I didn’t have a hint of what this was about.

“For breaking our story; for not being there when you needed me most. For saying ‘no’ to you in so many little ways, instead of finding a way of saying ‘yes’.”

“…instead of yes?” I smiled. What a good start I thought, but then, I too was sorry and more than a little scared. It all seemed so much out of my control.

And then I heard myself saying: “I’m sorry too. Really sorry for all the ways…for all the ways I…didn’t love you too…for when I wasn’t there for you. For the ways I said ‘no’ to you or made you seem less.”

He handed me something. “I went to the store today for something to bring you tonight—I didn’t know what to bring or say. Flowers or….I just didn’t know. But I ended up standing in the card aisle, and I saw this one and then I started crying, so I knew…well, I knew then.” He handed it to me. Hallmark would love this, I thought for a second, but then I stopped my cynicism.

I saw that it was a part of a poem by Oriah Mountain Dreamer—I read it aloud: “It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back. I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it’s not pretty…and if you will stand on the edge of the lake with me and shout to the sliver of the moon: Yes!” Inside the card it simply said: I love you.

That’s what I always wanted from Peter. And this was what he was saying he wanted that from me. Could it be that we were now ready to love in a new way--a way that wasn’t just about “young romance of wine-tinged dreams?” A love that included birth and death, old age and sickness, fires…and even long airplane flights—or simply doing the boring but necessary things that need to be done next? For us, it seemed to be about the willingness to give each other freedom—the feather of a bird; our wings as well as our nests…

I had been carrying the wing of the kingfisher bird ever since the day Peter took it from the dead bird on the shores of Jung’s lake. I barely understood why it meant so much to me then, but now a bird’s wing was the most valuable possession I had.

“Ooh…” I sighed, as years of anger and hurt began opening, melting, and pouring away like warm amniotic fluid flowing down my body and onto the floor. It felt the same as when those birth liquids released themselves with a sudden shock that signaled the arrival of Sophie. And then it was as if my spirit soared and took flight. Now we could each stand in our freedom as well as our closeness.

“And here—“He reached into his pocket and took out a key. “This is yours if you want it. It’s the key to the place I’m staying in now. But it’s big enough for two.” I could see his hand trembling slightly, but his voice was confident in his intention. “You can stay there as long as you want, till you decide…about us.”

I took Peter’s key in my hand and stared down at Chiron. He was offering to give me the key to his heart—the key to all our woundedness as well as to all our love. I could take it; he was ready to take mine, to re-embrace the history of our common story. The blood rushed up to my face, as I hugged him.

And so I took this key, this object that could open a door. The synchronicity of it all drove my answer out again and again ---

“Yes, Peter, yes…” We pulled apart for a moment and looked at each other. My eyes squinted at the closeness of his face, thinking how aged we must look to each other now. “Is that you in there?” he asked, as he pulled our eyes together, lashes fluttering against each other.

“Yes, this is me in here, is that you in there?” Behind the gray hairs and wrinkles, it was still us, and it was our best kiss ever. ~

© Elizabeth Spring http://www.elizabethspring.com/  (Excerpt from book: Private Papers of A Reluctant Astrologer)