"Cultivating the Witness"

“Do not speak for those who can speak…but for those who cannot. We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but spiritual beings having a human experience.” Pierre de Chardin




Dearest Kendra~

You ask me, what do I think? I’m proud of you for finding that extra energy to get out there and “do something” and then to take the time to sit down and write about it all. That’s not easy to do when you’re feeling miserable and scared. Maybe this quote above can help both of us keep a good perspective on our lives…and, like you, I’m wondering about your new love, Joseph—have you seen his chart yet? I’m curious about the hidden side of his Pluto and South Node.



As I write this, Sophie and I are on the train going South from Lindisfarne to Whitby. Sophie is sleeping, and I’m thinking how the English landscape feels so familiar yet dreamlike. It’s as if we are in an in-between world, feeling “betwixt and between,” in every way--but I’ll save the “story” of that for the next letter. I hope she’ll be in a better mood when she wakes up.



Speaking of stories, I was just remembering what many spiritual pilgrims have done and still do—they call it “Cultivating the Witness”. Do you know about that? The Witness, or the Self, is the inner Beloved—that core part of us that observes what is happening. It’s aware of our emotions, our body, and the “story” but it doesn’t identify with them. And it lives in the present moment; now.



So when you asked for help, I wondered if you could try creating a slight distance between the “story of Kendra” with all her wounds and strengths, and the observer/witness inside you? Alistair often quoted his teacher, Krishnamurti, about this awareness—this difference between the “observer and the observed.” Eckart Tolle and others talk about this too— and when you put this more objective distance between you and what’s happening, it seems to put one into a clearer, more energetic place. Of course, physicists talk about the phenomena of observing what’s happening too, and how even in the process of “observing” the observer effects the nature of what is observed. But if you go too far with it, a psychologist would say you’re “dissociating”—so a little goes a long way! You’ve got to have a strong enough ego to be able to “let go” of the ego’s story, and allow it to die into this Witness-Self. I believe you have a strong enough ego so that you’re not going to do a spiritual bypass on an emotional problem.



I just bought a glass of red wine from the steward as he passed by. It seems like my ego relaxes more when I have a glass of wine, but maybe it’s just the defensive left brain beginning to relax. Too much wine, and then I suspect, the reverse happens. I wonder if I could give myself the “advice” I offer you? To cultivate the witness and live in the “now” more….to move away from the “story line of infinite possibilities of pain, gain and attitude adjustments”—and simply trust the process of life unfolding. Not easy! This is the point of astrology…seeing what is happening in a larger symbolic context that’s not so personally infused with the pain of private dramas…and to feel connected to the whole.



What do you think? I suspect, with your Scorpio Sun, you’ve been deep into the delirious drama of trying to figure out “love.” I wonder, instead, if you could witness what is happening between you and Joseph, and let it all just unfold--? My fear is that as long as you stay too “enclosed” and worrying about your weight, you’ll be hiding like that turtle you mentioned, and have nothing to give. Most people don’t care about how we look as much as we think they do—although advertising in the media is always trying to prove the opposite.



I would guess that Joseph is more concerned more about what you think of him. He’s looking at you, and wondering if you love him… wondering if you could see him for who he truly is. He has shame and woundedness in his life too! He has a Pluto/South Node in his chart somewhere, and he reincarnated to attempt to heal that. I think he’s looking to see if you might be the one to help him, and to see and feel his love. And—I think his Pisces/Virgo nature is a nice complement to your Sun in Scorpio, Moon in Cancer.



On a more mundance level, let me add this about Jupiter—all that Jupiter and Venus/Moon sounds great for romance, but the “sweet factor” here—Venus and Jupiter—has a down side too. Jupiter and Venus are conjunct in your birth chart, and it can reflect a sensitivity to gaining weight, to low blood sugar, and even diabetes. But it doesn’t have to—you can choose to observe what you eat and what you’re feeling, rather than literally “taking in sweets.”



Hm…I keep thinking that love is better as a verb than a noun….

As always… trying…. ever so slowly…. to “verb” along, like this train….

Isabelle

Loving the Unloveable~the Wound of Pluto

Dear Isabelle~


I feel un-loveable. I feel fat and miserable. I feel like climbing out of my skin, and something inside me wants to slither away like a snake or retreat like a turtle. I know the turtle image is fitting for my Moon in Cancer, but I can’t hide now- I need to attempt, yet another, Sun-in-Scorpio “rebirth”. I’m sick and tired of dying and being reborn, but I know I must do it. I can just imagine you saying: “this is the nature of Scorpio. This is the nature of a Saturn Return.” And yes, I will try--- to extend my neck out of this shell of my old life and into this new one that seems to be approaching. Hard to tell if what’s coming is friend or foe. I’d prefer to curl up next to a cool rock and sleep.



You ask what has been happening…well, after losing my job and feeling live a defeated victim, I got your email when I was lying in bed one morning. I read all you wrote about Saturn. Ugh. But I decided then that I had it in me to make one good try —and I did. I made one big effort and applied for a job and got it. It’s a simple job, un-glamourous, but…. I met Joseph there. He loves astrology. I think he loves me…or at least likes me a lot. We’ve only been together a few weeks, but…I’m swirling by how fast realities can change.



So…it’s the autumn equinox today, and I’m sitting outside now with my computer and astrology chart, wondering what is possibly going on! How can I feel “in love” and everything be so wonderful and awful all at the same time?! I’m sitting under a glorious old tree watching the late afternoon sun playing through the leaves, trying to absorb all this beauty and calm down, while waiting for him to come over….oh yes! I’m in exquisite torture.



So the unexpected (Uranus) has happened. And just like you told me about transiting Jupiter—“Be careful what you wish for, because your wish may come true. It’s likely to happen.”

Well it did. I wished for him…..and…as you would say; Jupiter (expansion and opportunities) has decided to bless my heart (aspecting Venus & Moon) with the pain of falling in love--- or “in hope”--- or whatever this crazy feeling is! And as you know, being in the middle—or is it “muddle”? of the Saturn Return, I feel under great pressure.



It’s as if I’m being called “out to play again in the world” and I’m scared. Really scared. What do you think, Isabelle? There’s a chance we could make love tonight if I can get over this feeling…if I can be brave.



So I’m looking at this chart of mine, showing my Saturn Return along with Jupiter aspecting my Venus, Moon….and Uranus, so I’ll get more of the unexpected? More weight? Is that the expansion? Gaining weight has made me feel ashamed again, like when I was young. You may remember that my natal Pluto is right on the cusp of the 7th house of relationships and it feels like some old karmic wound has re-emerged. I feel under a familiar old pressure, or shame.



I just want to be myself, not have to prove myself, but it feels as if pieces of my Soul have been taken over the years, with a nagging kind of shame….sometimes I think Joseph has it too—not with weight, but there’s something hidden in him, and he likes to drink. Not too much…but still, it feels like he’s…well, I guess he has his own Pluto-wound somewhere. I should find out…I know he’s a Pisces Sun, Virgo Moon, and loves talking about astrology.



What do you think? Help!!! ~Kendra

How to Read an Astrology Chart: What matters Most

Dear Kendra~

When I look at my own chart, or a client’s chart, I want to find out first what is truly going on here--what is the question beneath the question? And I want the chart to give me a clue as to what would be most helpful in “solving” that issue. I don’t want to bring up fear or excuses, shame or blame, I simply want to see what and why, and how to make it better.



So, I look at the transits first, to see what area of life the planets are throwing the spotlight on, and look to see if they are squaring off against each other or helping each other. Everybody can read their Sun sign transit report on the web, but what they’re reading is as general as a weather forecast! It’s so much more accurate to see how those transiting planets are aspecting your individual chart, and you can do this easily by creating a transit wheel around the natal chart if you have an astrology program, or you can look at an ephemeris to see the movements of the planets aspecting your birth chart.



But if you do read the web or magazine astrology reports for the day or month, keep in mind that its more accurate to read about your Rising Sign, than to read your Sun sign. All seasoned astrologers know this. There’s some validity to the Sun sign report, but more to the rising sign, because that makes the house placements more accurate. There could be a full Moon eclipse with all sorts of dynamics that astrologers are raving about, but if it’s not hitting your planets—well, you missed the thunderstorm! Your storm and rainbow will come in a unique way for your life and chart—when your transits show aspect your unique planetary pattern.



So with that in mind, what do I look for first? What matters most?

#1 Major transits of Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto. Especially Saturn Returns, Uranus squares and oppositions, and any of these outer planets conjuncting the Sun or Moon or crossing one of the 4 angles of the chart. This is where attention needs to be drawn to, and any astrology “cookbook” will explain the meanings. The art of astrology, like in good cooking, is knowing how to synthesize it all into a whole. And to make it good and nourishing.



#2 What is most useful to know? Look at the natal chart next, and see what the Soul is “wanting to do” in this lifetime. What does the storyline look like? What are the challenges and pitfalls? Where strengths could be maximized?



The storyline of the Soul is told in the sign and house position of the Sun, the Moon, the Rising Sign, and the North and South Nodes. The whole chart is an inter-connected mandala that should support your reading, even if you understand only a part of the mandala—it’s like a puzzle, isn’t it? You could do a good reading by understanding the basics in depth….and then you will see “support and amplification” of the basics in the rest of the chart.



Astrologers all have their favorite ways of understanding and reading a chart—for some it might be through the Moon or the asteroids, but my particular bias is to look at the long term “Soul karmic story” of the North and South Nodes (you know that, because you read my book: “North Node Astrology” about how I feel about the Nodes and how to use them) and then to look at the short term needs. This is shown in what Mars and Saturn are doing in the birthchart and what they are doing by transit. Those are planetary energies that we can consciously “work with” at the moment, and actively do something about! Which brings me to the most important point if all---



#3 Don’t see the planets as “bad guys” but rather as energies that you are now ready to learn and grow from --no transits happen before their time! And everything can be lived out in a higher octave or a lower octave. You choose how to react—that’s your free will.



It might be helpful to imagine the planets as “Gods who have an agenda…who want to be honored and listened to.” They are archetypal energies that show up synchronistically, or astrologically, at a particular time for a particular reason. Do you know what the reason is? You can “know” this intuitively, or you can get help by looking at your chart. Most of us know things both ways…but the astrology confirms our intuitions.



Here’s an example: Saturn is often seen as strict, constrictive, authoritarian, melancholic energy—a little gruff and depressive as well—and “he” wants to tell you what to do and how to do it. Now most people don’t like being told what to do! However, I always look first to see what this old man, Saturn, is saying in the transiting chart, because he has a perspective on things that I sometimes avoid…. but truly, if we don’t deny what he is reminding us about—we’ll find that Saturn creates the best luck and the longest lasting happiness. Not Jupiter, but Saturn! We generally create the Saturnian foundation for Jupiterian luck to happen.



So the “reality watchdog”, Saturn’s practicality, might sound something like: finish your term paper so you can graduate, or, take those vitamin supplements for your bones, or make that commitment to deal with your finances. Saturn rules bones, houses, and all the “forms our lives take”—so by honoring Saturn transits we create “reality structures” to hold our life. When we discipline ourselves to do the hard work in the short run, we reap the rewards in the long run.



Saturn also rules the womb, and the institution of marriage—so when there’s a Saturn-Moon transit for example, if can sometimes manifest as a pregnancy, or if it’s Saturn/Sun or a Saturn Return it could be a marriage—or divorce. And as beautiful as marriage ceremonies are, they are a lot of hard work, foreshadowing the hardest yoga of all—two people loving each other!



Anyway dear Sophie, it feels like you are working powerfully with Saturn now, as you are in your first Saturn Return. And from what you’ve said, it impacted your womb, your work, and your relationship. It seemed as if Saturn was all about denying you at first, but I think it was more about “re-structuring”. Saturn rules time—he was known as old Kronos—from the Greek word for “time”--so my sense is that you are keenly aware of the passing of time, and making a space ready for new life “structures” and adventures. Is that true? I want to hear your story—the particulars-- what’s happening….?



Have you talked with your friends who are between 28-30 about their first Saturn Returns? I think the 2nd Saturn Return between 58-60 is usually less dramatic, but has more to do with “unfinished business.” Interesting how we all have these passages at the same time, but “play it out” in different ways. The core issues are the same though….don’t you think?

How are you?

As always, with love,

Isabelle

Yearning to Reconcile: Christian fundamentalism, Celtic Spirituality and Jungian Astrology

Dear Isabelle~

I was touched by your willingness to get over the mask of the teacher--the “persona mask” and so poignantly tell me the story about meeting up again with Alistair and Sophie—and your yearning to heal the splits among you. This photo of a “split open rock” that I’m sending, reminded me of the pain of that “severance” I hear in your voice...it also reminds me of the resurrection story of Jesus when he split open the tomb. Ah…breaking open and breaking through…what a challenge! I love that you’re also yearning to heal your own spiritual split---that space within you that puts you into the place of “the reluctant astrologer” at times…I’m only just beginning to get a sense of what that is about…



So…how will you find the middle ground between Sophie’s Christian fundamentalism, Alistair’s cerebral spirituality, and your more pagan astrology—? Are you thinking it could be through Celtic Spirituality? Maybe the history (or ‘her-story’) will be found in the numinous stones at the monastery ruins of Whitby and will open Sophie’s heart. I imagine that’s why you’ve chosen to take her there…since it was a woman abbess, St Hilda, who governed this ancient monastery that gave both men and woman a chance to “be monks” and to honor both Christian and older earth/nature centered beliefs. I read somewhere too, that she mentored a lowly cow-herder into becoming a famous poet—I wonder if they were in love? ~grin~ And, I wonder… what will happen when you meet up with Alistair again in Switzerland--in “Jung’s land; in his temonos/sacred space”?



I’ve started doing charts for other people, but I have questions for you. People are wanting to know more astrology now, especially with all the fear around 2012 and not understanding this shift between the Piscean Age to the Aquarian age, and how this Cardinal T-square between Saturn, Pluto, and Uranus will usher it in.



So…I need to understand it in my own chart first. And I need to know how to approach doing a chart for another person. What do I start with? How do I see what’s really important in the chart and how can I avoid being a predictor of fear—like the astrologer who was predicting only “endings” in my Saturn Return? There’s so much information out there, but how do you suggest I do a reading? How do I get a sense of how a client (or myself) will play out, and live into the transits? Especially when they look “hard” to my beginner’s eye….till later then~

~with love…~Kendra