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Monday, May 5, 2014

Relationships: Are We Compatible? Sex, Intimacy and Red Flags

Excerpt from Chapter Nine: "Lifting the Veil; Becoming Your Own Best Astrologer

Years ago astrologers wanted to see in “relationship charts” lots of easy flowing trines and compatibility with little stress or “grit.” But today we’ve come to know that grit is what makes us grow and learn and experience more, so a mixture of both grace and grit is the ideal. I don’t care if some gritty aspects are there, but I don’t want to see too many red flags.

But let’s look first at the old familiar question: What sign is the best for me? There isn’t any. Not really. You have to look at the whole chart of each person because certain challenging aspects can be offset by graceful positive aspects. Grit and grace.

However there are planets that are square and opposite each other—who therefore don’t get along because they see things so differently—and there are planets that are conjunct or trine each other and so are simpatico. So the simplest answer is to look to see if your Sun or Moon is in a challenging or complementary flowing relationship with the other person.  

Sun signs of the same element tend to get along well—so if you’re an earth sign Taurus you’ll innately understand a Capricorn or a Virgo. You share some of the same values and style of doing things. If you’re a fire sign Sagittarius, you’ll innately understand the other fire signs of Aries and Leo. If you’re an air sign Libra, you’ll get how a Gemini or Aquarius is thinking, and if you’re a water sign such as Cancer you’ll feel a natural compatibility with the other water signs, Scorpio and Pisces.

Going deeper: there’s a wonderful compatibility that can exist between having the Sun sign of one person be the same as the Moon or Ascendant in the “Other.” I see this a lot, and there’s a natural attraction between people who have these contacts. That’s a definite green flag. Even having the signs being in the same element—earth, air, water, or fire helps. There’s an understanding built in with this—

However, let’s say your Sun sign squares your lover’s Sun sign or is opposite it—this doesn’t have to be either a red or green flag. If it’s a square aspect that person is going to bring into your life just what you aren’t all about and what you’re uncomfortable with…and an opposition…well, opposites are magnetic because they compensate for each other and attract! They are also similar in some ways as they’re on the same axis, but they see things from a different angle or viewpoint. So the square is somewhat of a red flag (pink?) and the opposition is almost neutral (faded pink?) You’ll learn a lot from each other with these aspects and the combination of you two as a team suggests that you could be successful in whatever you choose to do together—because you’ll approach things from a similar but different angle. It may be irritating at times, especially if one person is always attached to his point of view. 

 For example, let’s say you are a Leo man who prides himself on his generosity, open-mindedness and charismatic personality. And you meet a woman who is a fascinating Scorpio (Suns are square!) who appears to love listening to you, and you find her sexy, intelligent, and emotionally intense. You want to learn from her and you respect the fact that she is private in many ways. She is attracted to you because of all those wonderful qualities you have and that she lacks—she’s not really generous, but more possessive, etc. And she is amazed that you are so innocently self-revealing and she feels as compulsively drawn to you as you are to her.

Now if these two people are young, say younger than their first Saturn Return, they probably don’t know themselves very well. And the attraction they have for each other as opposites (which in this case is actually a square between Leo and Scorpio) will likely become irritating and they will project blame onto the other for their own missing qualities. Power conflicts might arise and they will probably each complain that they always seem to attract the same kind of partner! They do that because they project onto that person what they love and hate about themselves and which they aren’t aware of. It’s unconscious.

That’s why it was written about the Temple at Delphi: Know Thyself. Isn’t the Leo always generous? Is a king, or child, or aristocrat always generous? No….but he will instead see her lack of generosity in spades. And what about those secrets of hers? He was never jealous before; it was always women who were jealous of him. He hates jealousy in any form but now her privacy feels like secrets and stirs up feelings of….jealousy. They each hold each other’s shadow qualities.

The relationship isn’t doomed. Perhaps the Leo man has Scorpio on his ascendant—the ascendant being descriptive of his journey in life, and his way of operating in the world. Here is a little green flag…they are perhaps meant to dance together in this life for just a while. Or perhaps this Leo man has a moon in Scorpio….here is another green flag, as combinations with the Sun of one person matching the Moon of the other is a green flag! So the similarity of the Moon or Rising Sign tones down the red flag of the squared Suns. Following me?  (to be continued in next post)
(c) Elizabeth Spring  (If you wish to reprint or copy "Relationships: Are We cCompatible? Sex, Intimacy and Red Flags" please include my name and the name of the book---  "Lifting the Veil; Becoming Your Own Best Astrologer" and that it is available on   ~thanks~